Robes of Righteousness

I wrote this a while back as the second part of a writing entitled Fear of Loss and Robes of Righteousness. The first part isn't quite ready for the public but I was reminded of the second half in my meditation today so I wanted to get it out:

Today I am meditation on Christ’s love for me in spite of my deep sin (mis propios pecados). I meditate on this to counteract the lies of injustice and hurt from the sins of others that bombard me and threaten to triumph. The sins of others that my flesh would turn away from in disgust out of hurt and self-righteousness. The sins of others that the Spirit inside of me responds to with gentleness, humility, long suffering, and forgiveness. To me though, it feels a lot like betrayal and I tell myself that I don’t have any right to be hurt because, for all practical purposes, it had nothing to do with me. THIS is my experience though. The sins of others hurt. I don’t need anyone else to validate that. I hold back the proof behind heavy eyelids and a forced smile.

So I say to my soul, “Meditation on Christ’s love for you in spite of your deep sin.”

I am amazed by the depth in which I am accepted in Christ. I cannot begin to comprehend just how He does it. I guess I would place this act under the word perfection in the dictionary. A verb even though Webster calls it a noun. It describes the way He looks on me in all of my sin, rebellion, and filth (aka- me at my best) and He loves me. He isn’t repulsed by me and He doesn’t hold it against me at all. He doesn’t name me Filthy as he ought to but instead clothes me in righteousness and calls me Beauty. This is what I’m called to do toward others too but I can only do it when I understand, accept, and acknowledge that it has already been done for me. And it has been done. In a big way. This one (the means to perfection) goes under Calvary in the dictionary.

And to those who have caused pain to others with their sin I long to say, “The weight of your sin isn’t yours alone anymore. In relationship your sin affects others. That means it hurts others too and that means that they bear the hurt with you. The weight of your sin doesn’t isolate you or cause distance from others when dealt with properly. When dealt with in light of Calvary, your sin now binds you even more to the ones you are in relationship with. In relationship your sin both past and future hurts others too. In relationship the forgiveness by Christ for your sin is enough to cover the hurts on every side.”

I see now that today’s battle was one of forgiveness.

How could I not forgive when I have been forgiven of so much?

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ by grace you have been saved…” Ephesians 2:1-5

Impending Change

I am encouraged at the Lord's work in preparing me for life's impending changes. About a month ago, through several conversations with friends, I came to the realization that I was in an in-between place. Not quite connected but not fully disconnected- floating yes, but not floating away by any means. (January 2011)

(August 2011) I began writing this blog 8 months ago on the brink of life's changes and I am now sitting on the other side, in a newly settled life, reflecting on all that has happened. I have been remiss in not keeping up with this blog. 8 months has brought with it a GREAT deal of change and I know that I will miss deeply important things in my writing of it but I also know that these 8 months have created a change in me that can't be missed.

Let's begin with career change.
Back in January I was still working at Cole but I sensed the change coming in my career and I felt very unsettled about the impending change. Unsure of what would happen I began feeling disconnected from the team there and I couldn't figure out what was happening. It wasn't long before I heard from my supervisor that funding would not exist for my position the following year and that when my contract was up in May I would no longer be renewed as the Director of Communication and Development with Friends of Cole. It took a few weeks to process and begin making my "To Do" list in preparation for my job search. I polished up my resume and began networking with the connections I had made in the community.

In mid February I heard about a non-profit organization (City Year) hiring for a new a site in Denver. City Year is working to combat the urban high school drop out rate by deploying 17-24 year olds as full time mentors, tutors and roll models into public schools in 21 cities across the continental U.S. as well as 2 internationally (London, England and Johannesburg, South Africa). A friend of mine had served with City Year Seattle for 2 years and she and I shared many unique cultural experiences from her time as a corps member and my time in Christian education. The week after my first introduction to City Year a gentleman I had been working with in the community called me after receiving my resume and asked, "Have you heard of City Year? You would be perfect for that organization."

To make a short story even shorter I took the hint, contacted City Year, applied, was invited to interview, interviewed, was offered a position, and began working with the Comcast Start-Up Team all within less than 10 days time. A clear gift from God.
I worked as a Program Associate for 4 months before applying for and being accepted into a full time position with City Year Denver as the Corporate Relations and Foundations Manager which I began on July 1, 2011. But that is just the beginning of the change that I have seen in the last 8 months.


The Lord also saw fit to bless me with a godly man.
Ryan and I were acquaintances back in early high school through our Christian schools' camps and fine arts competitions. He had a crush on my best friend at the time and I remember very little about him from then but we hung out a few times back in the day and I have pictures to prove it (I'll not be posting pictures of that embarrassing time just yet). He likes to say that we "reunited" when he began attending Providence (my church here in Denver) in February.

As much as I want to write out our whole story here I think it deserves a blog post all to itself (coming soon to a computer screen near you) so for now I will just say that the last 3 months since we began dating have been an incredible time of unparalleled joy and intense spiritual growth for both of us. We don’t know what the future holds but we are crazy about each other and so thankful that this act of obedience to the Lord is such an easy one.

About 2 months ago I was chatting with an old friend about the Lord’s hand on our life situations and while circumstances can be difficult and discouraging at times, our faith in Christ sustains us. I told her that I felt very blessed and her response has stuck with me and resounded in my mind over and over the last few months:

“Alyssa, you are blessed and highly favored.”

False Realities

I was sitting in a community collaborative meeting a few months back and a frightening reality struck me then and has been lingering in my mind ever since. The world (outside of Christ) is finding community and it's real but it's incomplete- a false reality. I guess I've seen it around me my whole life but it never scared me before like it did in this particular meeting. I felt a deep connection in that community( including emotion, acceptance, comfort). There were about 15 of us and we each had 3 minutes to share where we came from, what we brought to the table (as an individual and not as a representative of an organization) and something we didn't want people to know about us. 3 minutes was all it took.

This month for me it has been a different realization- almost a fear that that community and connection doesn't rest in Christ where I beleive it rest. In relationships I often experience another false reality. A (quite possibly damaging) false intimacy.

My coworker/friend told me yesterday that she has a book full of inspirational thoughts and she brought it in today to share with me- hoping we could choose a meditation to turn our days into positive reflections together. "How we greet today will color the returns of this day." In the best of intents she assumed this was a common perspective we shared and I realized that there is a false intimacy in our relationship. My color on every day can only be the reality of Christ's sacrifice for me and if I just carry on like a person full of joy and life but don't give credit to my Savior I am experiencing false intimacy with those were are deceived that true joy and satisfaction can be found outside of him.