The End of Empathy

em•pa•thy [em-puh-thee] noun
1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

At what point does empathy end? Should it ever? Is there a place where it doesn’t belong and where you just need to kick into gear or kick someone else into gear for the sake of “getting over it”? That’s it. When I am down and someone responds without empathy it feels like I’m being kicked and that kick hurts more than a normal kick because I’m already down and bruised. The irony to me is that empathy is, as defined above, “vicariously experiencing the feeling of another” and it often ends before the individual is freed from the feelings or experience that warranted the empathy in the first place.

I put a lot of stock in Scripture. Not as much as I would like when trials arise and I find myself responding in my own “strength” or “understanding” (which of course I have none of outside of Christ). But I think every question can be answered in the character of God- not in a direct reference of Scripture and that’s how I read and re-read those precious words. To know HIM. So when I have a question like “At what point does empathy end?” I don’t have to look for proof texts (or a specific verse that says yes or no) but rather look to the author and finisher of my faith- to my Lord and my Savior. His empathy seems to have no end. When I think over who he is and his incredible patience there is no end but rather He      

• Sits with Job in his desperation and points Job to look at the Creator God and not his awful circumstances
• Listens to all of David’s emotion filled requests and pleas AND ANSWERS THEM
• Guides the Israelites DURING their rebellion in the dessert
• “Then the LORD took pity on his people. He didn't destroy them as he had said he would” Exodus 32:14
• Weeps with the family of his dear friend Lazarus even though Jesus knew that Lazarus would not remain dead
• “For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” Hebrews 4:15

And the passage that keeps coming to mind over and over again is

I Thessalonians 5:14, “We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

I love that one because it depicts the response to all kind of different situations and urges the Christian to be careful to care for others WELL in their specific needs. To correct, encourage, and help when appropriate but not to encourage the unruly or to correct the weak because that isn’t best. And the most important thing there is the “be patient with everyone” because no matter where they are at patience is best. And it all ties back because of the intense patience of our Savior who continues to love us to Himself no matter what. That’s my example and the character answer to my question about empathy.

Robes of Righteousness

I wrote this a while back as the second part of a writing entitled Fear of Loss and Robes of Righteousness. The first part isn't quite ready for the public but I was reminded of the second half in my meditation today so I wanted to get it out:

Today I am meditation on Christ’s love for me in spite of my deep sin (mis propios pecados). I meditate on this to counteract the lies of injustice and hurt from the sins of others that bombard me and threaten to triumph. The sins of others that my flesh would turn away from in disgust out of hurt and self-righteousness. The sins of others that the Spirit inside of me responds to with gentleness, humility, long suffering, and forgiveness. To me though, it feels a lot like betrayal and I tell myself that I don’t have any right to be hurt because, for all practical purposes, it had nothing to do with me. THIS is my experience though. The sins of others hurt. I don’t need anyone else to validate that. I hold back the proof behind heavy eyelids and a forced smile.

So I say to my soul, “Meditation on Christ’s love for you in spite of your deep sin.”

I am amazed by the depth in which I am accepted in Christ. I cannot begin to comprehend just how He does it. I guess I would place this act under the word perfection in the dictionary. A verb even though Webster calls it a noun. It describes the way He looks on me in all of my sin, rebellion, and filth (aka- me at my best) and He loves me. He isn’t repulsed by me and He doesn’t hold it against me at all. He doesn’t name me Filthy as he ought to but instead clothes me in righteousness and calls me Beauty. This is what I’m called to do toward others too but I can only do it when I understand, accept, and acknowledge that it has already been done for me. And it has been done. In a big way. This one (the means to perfection) goes under Calvary in the dictionary.

And to those who have caused pain to others with their sin I long to say, “The weight of your sin isn’t yours alone anymore. In relationship your sin affects others. That means it hurts others too and that means that they bear the hurt with you. The weight of your sin doesn’t isolate you or cause distance from others when dealt with properly. When dealt with in light of Calvary, your sin now binds you even more to the ones you are in relationship with. In relationship your sin both past and future hurts others too. In relationship the forgiveness by Christ for your sin is enough to cover the hurts on every side.”

I see now that today’s battle was one of forgiveness.

How could I not forgive when I have been forgiven of so much?

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ by grace you have been saved…” Ephesians 2:1-5

Impending Change

I am encouraged at the Lord's work in preparing me for life's impending changes. About a month ago, through several conversations with friends, I came to the realization that I was in an in-between place. Not quite connected but not fully disconnected- floating yes, but not floating away by any means. (January 2011)

(August 2011) I began writing this blog 8 months ago on the brink of life's changes and I am now sitting on the other side, in a newly settled life, reflecting on all that has happened. I have been remiss in not keeping up with this blog. 8 months has brought with it a GREAT deal of change and I know that I will miss deeply important things in my writing of it but I also know that these 8 months have created a change in me that can't be missed.

Let's begin with career change.
Back in January I was still working at Cole but I sensed the change coming in my career and I felt very unsettled about the impending change. Unsure of what would happen I began feeling disconnected from the team there and I couldn't figure out what was happening. It wasn't long before I heard from my supervisor that funding would not exist for my position the following year and that when my contract was up in May I would no longer be renewed as the Director of Communication and Development with Friends of Cole. It took a few weeks to process and begin making my "To Do" list in preparation for my job search. I polished up my resume and began networking with the connections I had made in the community.

In mid February I heard about a non-profit organization (City Year) hiring for a new a site in Denver. City Year is working to combat the urban high school drop out rate by deploying 17-24 year olds as full time mentors, tutors and roll models into public schools in 21 cities across the continental U.S. as well as 2 internationally (London, England and Johannesburg, South Africa). A friend of mine had served with City Year Seattle for 2 years and she and I shared many unique cultural experiences from her time as a corps member and my time in Christian education. The week after my first introduction to City Year a gentleman I had been working with in the community called me after receiving my resume and asked, "Have you heard of City Year? You would be perfect for that organization."

To make a short story even shorter I took the hint, contacted City Year, applied, was invited to interview, interviewed, was offered a position, and began working with the Comcast Start-Up Team all within less than 10 days time. A clear gift from God.
I worked as a Program Associate for 4 months before applying for and being accepted into a full time position with City Year Denver as the Corporate Relations and Foundations Manager which I began on July 1, 2011. But that is just the beginning of the change that I have seen in the last 8 months.


The Lord also saw fit to bless me with a godly man.
Ryan and I were acquaintances back in early high school through our Christian schools' camps and fine arts competitions. He had a crush on my best friend at the time and I remember very little about him from then but we hung out a few times back in the day and I have pictures to prove it (I'll not be posting pictures of that embarrassing time just yet). He likes to say that we "reunited" when he began attending Providence (my church here in Denver) in February.

As much as I want to write out our whole story here I think it deserves a blog post all to itself (coming soon to a computer screen near you) so for now I will just say that the last 3 months since we began dating have been an incredible time of unparalleled joy and intense spiritual growth for both of us. We don’t know what the future holds but we are crazy about each other and so thankful that this act of obedience to the Lord is such an easy one.

About 2 months ago I was chatting with an old friend about the Lord’s hand on our life situations and while circumstances can be difficult and discouraging at times, our faith in Christ sustains us. I told her that I felt very blessed and her response has stuck with me and resounded in my mind over and over the last few months:

“Alyssa, you are blessed and highly favored.”

False Realities

I was sitting in a community collaborative meeting a few months back and a frightening reality struck me then and has been lingering in my mind ever since. The world (outside of Christ) is finding community and it's real but it's incomplete- a false reality. I guess I've seen it around me my whole life but it never scared me before like it did in this particular meeting. I felt a deep connection in that community( including emotion, acceptance, comfort). There were about 15 of us and we each had 3 minutes to share where we came from, what we brought to the table (as an individual and not as a representative of an organization) and something we didn't want people to know about us. 3 minutes was all it took.

This month for me it has been a different realization- almost a fear that that community and connection doesn't rest in Christ where I beleive it rest. In relationships I often experience another false reality. A (quite possibly damaging) false intimacy.

My coworker/friend told me yesterday that she has a book full of inspirational thoughts and she brought it in today to share with me- hoping we could choose a meditation to turn our days into positive reflections together. "How we greet today will color the returns of this day." In the best of intents she assumed this was a common perspective we shared and I realized that there is a false intimacy in our relationship. My color on every day can only be the reality of Christ's sacrifice for me and if I just carry on like a person full of joy and life but don't give credit to my Savior I am experiencing false intimacy with those were are deceived that true joy and satisfaction can be found outside of him.

Growing Faith

Just short of 5 months ago I began the journey of becoming a first time home owner. (You can read the first "chapter" of my journey here.) 12 days ago I signed the initial contract on the house that I thought was the answer to those prayers but I learned today that the adorable brick bungalow off of 35th and Fillmore was only one chapter in the yet unfinished story (humanly speaking). The Lord has a far better story already written and he is slowing revealing His goodness to me each step of the way.

When I got the call about the termination of the contract today my first response was to smile at how the Lord is just including this to the list of faith building circumstances in life as of late. Below is the story I told to a friend just 3 days ago. I see now an even greater part of God's plan for this past weekend...

Hey Shannon,

I just wanted to share a blessing with you as the time for our trip to Haiti is so quickly approaching. I left for a friend's wedding last Thursday and while driving from Philadelphia to northern New Jersey , about 30 min from our final destination, the wheel (in it's entirety) flew off our car, across 4 lanes of traffic, and into someone on the other side of the highway's windshield. No one was injured, praise the Lord, but our vehicle was out of commission so after the weekend of wedding activities and such we had to find another way to travel the 3 hours back to PA on Sunday. We took a bus from NY to a station near Philly which was close to the home of a girl my sister is working with for the summer who happened to be driving the 1 hour difference back to my sister's camp this evening. We were able to spend some time with this friend's family before leaving for the last leg of the trip and my trip to Haiti came up in the last 5 min as we were leaving. So that's part 1 of the story.

Part 2 before the huge faith increasing ending is this: as I was leaving for this trip a plumber was running a sewer scope on the house I am pursuing buying. Long story short there were several complications over the next 3 days and the result was the very near possibility of losing my contract on the house. Faith testing! I've been saying (and believing) that God wants me to invest financially and thereby emotionally in this particular property EVEN IF the end result is not me obtaining the property but at the first sight of that happening I began questioning the Lord. Yesterday was really rough but with some extra pleas to the Lord and Godly support I was back to trusting and out of my sinful worry in no time.
So about 30 min ago I hugged Melissa's parents and thanked them for their hospitality in inviting us to eat with them today and she snuck me some money for the trip. This family I had known for less than 1 hour gave $500 toward the mission in Haiti. I got to the car and saw how much they had given and immediately cried tears of gratefulness to the Lord for His personal love for me. My faith is constantly renewed in the One who does above and beyond what I could ask or think. He ordained good things for me, including a broken vehicle. He already had laid on the hearts of these strangers to me to give. I'm overjoyed and thrilled about the many ways God will keep increasing my faith through the trip and ultimately until my faith is made whole at the sight of this great God!

Rejoicing anew,
~Alyssa

Today I am rejoicing that the Lord revealed my little faith when He allowed me the great privilege of my recent "trial" with the house and it's inspection problems.

Today I am rejoicing that the Lord produced a stronger faith in me than what I knew even this morning.

Today I am anticipating the great faith that the Lord is already working out in my life.

What's in a name?

A name (according to the American Heritage Dictionary) is but “a mere designation, as distinguished from fact.” I like this definition but I find so much more meaning than this in a name.

I am a sucker for a well placed personal name reference in either written or spoken communication. There is something almost romantic about it to me when used right.

I love full names - the kind that most people shorten for convenience sake, I love saying in their entirety. To the Jillians, the Jonathans, the Christophers, the Elizabeths, the Benjamins, and the Nathaniels of the world your names bring a smile to my face.

Yesterday I was captivated by the emotion that can fuse itself with a spoken name. These are the accounts from my yesterday which led to these retrospective thoughts:

Account #1: When I introduced myself to you and asked you your name the reply came back with a, “You should know this” attached. I should have remembered meeting you last month. I didn’t sense frustration and resentment in your voice though, but rather forgiveness for my lack of care in forgetting you so quickly. The name said it all.

Account #2: You called me the wrong name. I took it as a compliment. The name you chose in place of my own was attached to one I enjoy being associated with and I was grateful to share it for a moment. The name said it all.

Account #3: Until my name was spoken in that tone of voice, I didn’t recognize the frustration you were feeling about our inability to understand one another during the conversation that consumed our long walk. The name said it all.

Account #4: I see the love for her in your eyes and oh when you speak her name… She is beautiful to you. Even her name is beautiful to you. The name said it all.

Immigration:

I can't begin to claim that I have an understanding of the whole issue- politically, socially, or biblically but God is teaching me about His love and my responsibility through the subject of immigration.

Yesterday Dr. Daniel Carroll, Distinguished Professor of Old Testament at Denver Seminary, came to Providence to teach the church on "Thinking 'Christianly' About Immigration". I had no idea what to expect. Going into it I had given very little thought to the issue (I viewed it that way too- as a political issue over which I had no power or responsibility). I, like many who were brought up around conservative republican Christians, fell back on Romans 13 as my defense:

"Let every person be subject to the governing authorities..."

This is a fairly easy cop-out for me so that I don't actually have to consider the possibility that I could be in the wrong. Yes, obedience is a command. I'm not changing my stance on that. But who is my ultimate authority? I saw a portion of the Scriptures posted outside a church last week that said:

"to obey is better than sacrifice"

Taken out of context this portion of I Samuel 15:22 speaks an entirely different message. When I look at the entirety of that passage, the difference between obedience and sacrifice being spoken of really comes down to authority-God or man. God had set up a law for His people that included sacrifices, but He was not pleased with even the best of sacrifices when it was against His direct command to Saul.


So how does this relate to immigration?

Dr. Carrol challenged us not to start the debate about immigration at the border- at Romans 12/13- where law breakers deserve what they get (which, for the record, they are getting much more than "what they deserve" which is an entirely different argument- one of which I am realizing I need to understand much more before I can really attest to my position on it).
Our Christian thinking about immigration must begin in Genesis 1- that all men are created in the image of God and are equal. Listening to story after story about immigration in the Bible (which I had never even seen although it is right in front of me) was eye opening. I don't yet grasp exactly what Scripture then gives me as a proper guideline for dealing with immigrants but I do know that Scripture says:

"He [the LORD] executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing. Love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt." Deuteronomy 10:18-19

"'Cursed be anyone who perverts the justice due to the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow.' And all the people shall say, 'Amen.'" Deuteronomy 27:19

"Thus says the LORD of hosts, Render true judgments, show kindness and mercy to one another, do not oppress the widow, the fatherless, the sojourner, or the poor, and let none of you devise evil against another in your heart." Zechariah 7:9-10

That is only the beginning of the references to the sojourner or foreigner in the Old Testament. Not even scratching the surface. This doesn't even include all the passages dealing with loving one another with the love Christ showed to us in His death on the cross. I am looking forward to reading Dr. Carroll's book Christians at the Border to gain a deeper understanding of this issue.

I am realizing that I default to obedience. This is not a bad thing in most situations and I am grateful to my parents for ingraining it into me as a child. "Even if you don't understand, obey." I praise the Lord for the fact that I grew up under godly leadership and was able to default to obedience because those over me (knowing that they give an account to the Lord) led me well. Not to say that I always agreed with my authority- by no means. Even still, the default was obedience because I was not being asked to break the laws of God by following rules I didn't enjoy.

For the first time in my life I am being faced with the reality that my earthly authority is asking me to do something that is against the will of my heavenly (and ultimate) authority.

I know that this is a life changing path the Lord has placed me on. This is just the beginning for me.

My heart is longing for heaven like never before.
Last night we heard the cry of a mother whose son was deported 5 months ago. She wept for home- for her son. She struggles knowing that God has brought her to America but why then would He send her son back? She longs for home. Aches for it.
I wept in prayer for her. For the example I see of the longing I too should have for home- the place where my Jesus is. I am not a citizen of this earth but of heaven. I am sickened by how comfortable I have become here. I want to know that ache for heaven as Laticia does for Mexico- for reunion with the Son.

The Longing
-Enfield

"Lord, let me long for that heav'ly shore
Though wonders fill this world, there await much more
O Lord, let it seem closer than a distant dream
And make my heart pine for that land like ne'er before

God, grant me faith to trust Your perfect plan
'Til You finally complete in me the work that You began
O God, guide my feet 'til I walk on golden streets
On this narrow path ahead that leads me to Your promised land

Father, fix my eyes to see beyond my home
For my fortune and my comfort weigh me down like heavy stones
O Father, strip from me all but breath and love for Thee
So all that is within me will depend on You alone

Jesus, join Your church both in spirit and in mind
Let her always bring You joy as Your pure and faithful bride
O Jesus, may You be Savior, Lord and Coming King
In our lives as we share Your glorious gospel to mankind"